It has been said that we come to teach what we need to learn the most, and that has felt true in my life. For me, having had several near-death experiences by the time I was 28, I needed to learn how to be present in my body.
Up until that time, I felt cursed with a sensitive nervous system, one that did not know how to slow down. Nor did I understand the depth of my trauma. Even though I had been practicing yoga and meditation daily for years, my anxiety increased. It soon became clear that I was beginning to awaken into my body and into the pain my body was holding.
At 28, the year of my Saturn return, I had a life-changing awakening, which I would later come to understand as a kundalini rising. It was both a frightening and awesome experience for me, and extremely challenging to integrate in a nervous system that was already intensely sensitive.
Through this fate, I was living in a prison-like reality for months, with only flimsy cardboard barriers of my ego left over. I was called to pass through many dangerous passages of my dying ego structure, and it ultimately crumbled in a matter of weeks.
The intensity of my symptoms included 8-hour-long panic attacks for days on end, a resting heart rate of 105, and blood pressure that boomeranged from high to low in a matter of seconds. The culmination of this experience happened on a meditation retreat in Bali, where I went into cardiac arrest. I awakened floating just outside my body, and was summoned back in. It was a life-changing moment.
During the next several years, I learned to integrate this profound experience with the help and guidance of many gifted practitioners. I came to understand the depth of energy systems and trauma in ways that most people, including yoga teachers, and health practitioners, could not explain.
This was a deeply humbling process. Over the course of time, I learned and practiced an ever-deepening commitment to accept and know my Self. I recognized that I had walked to the edge of darkness only to turn back—a choice that felt like I was making a u-turn in an ocean liner.
Using my intuition for educational choices and working regularly with practitioners that resonated with me, little by little I was healing and awakening. I was developing safety and trust in my relationship to my Self. My once imprisoning nervous system was a gift of healing—helping me to feel, see, and sense the depth of consciousness, the Divine Mystery and its radiant reflection in the Being that I am.
My journey has been humbling, grace-filled, painful, and deeply liberating, all of which has been a remarkable adventure. I can now move at the pace of health, to regulate myself and to enjoy the Stillness, Silence, Peace and Joy within.
Through a deep exploration of personal trauma on all levels, I can be present with the tension of opposites inside of me with wonderment and courage. I’ve been fortunate to develop a felt-sense of my own wholeness, lightness of being, and health.
Today, I can hold a strong, yet fluid container with ever-deepening levels of safety, healthy, accurate mirroring, compassion, and presence for my clients’ healing and integration. I feel blessed that I can facilitate with extraordinary reverence.
I am honored to reflect redemption and radiant love, and look forward to working with those who walk this beautiful and often challenging path of soul liberation and embodied transformation.